Bratty Girl

It is a mystery why we fall in love.

It is a mystery how it happens.

It is a mystery when it comes.

It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalties that two people share.

And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming and going of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is a dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow. They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love him, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can.

This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away. Remember this, and keep it to your heart.

Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always had been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

So maybe what we had was love. Maybe I loved you, and I hope to heavens that you loved me back: even just for a split second when we held hands, or during that moment when I looked into your eyes, or the time when I laughed at one of your silly quirks. I'd be content with that idea, I'd be content that in the course of our friendship, there was a moment of mutuality; even if it was so quick I never noticed it all. “

I kept you safe within the remote areas of my consciousness, but suddenly, as if driven by an unknown force, your memory unearths itself, returning some sort of unfinished business. Consequently, I pause and I start thinking about you.

And it always left me a touch of sadness.

As far as I was concerned, I made it a point not to think about you anymore, at least not that often as I used to, in the form of preoccupation. There's a lot of work to do, friends to spend time and energy with, family affairs, television, radio. There's even a new object of affection in the rough. Works for the most part, I should say. Within the confines of my room with just my pillows before me, there is forgetting.

Just like the manner by which ice cubes freeze bacteria within their crystal networks. As long as they remain frozen, everything's safe. There is no need to worry.

But somehow, you still manage to permeate my system, as if it were an expertise or a tediously-learned skill. Moment by moment, you profusely enter my mind, filling my awareness with lost memories of once-upon-a-times and whatnots. Remembrances of holding hands, afternoon walks, lunch outs, text messages and phone calls. Of yesterday's seemingly unbreakable promises and proclamations of forever.

I should've put into mind what an old friend once wrote, 'Forever is not real'.

I have always yearned to understand what had happened between us. Us won't even suffice: it was never a real relationship to begin with. We just hung out and talked and spent time together more often than we did with our other friends and colleagues. Sometimes it pained me that I could not do anything in my power to make you speak about us.

Certainly, the ambiguity was present, the ambiguity which you never wanted to clarify.

I could only let you go on with whatever it was that you desired, whether it be ranting about your insecurities, rejoicing over happier news or lamenting about your eventful past. On the other side, I remained silent in the middle of your hyped-up emotion. I was like a child with beaming eyes, eager to hear more stories of how you came about to be the person that you are. For you once told me that listening to you gave you strength to go on, and so I did. I have always wanted you to be okay.

Yet when it was my turn to be heard, the silence was a void. I suspended my disbelief when I convinced myself that you always meant well, whenever you apologized for there was nothing you can do about my bouts of depression, or when you simplify things by saying that everything will be alright. I know I should not expect things from other people; perhaps I was at fault when I wanted more from you when you can only give so little.

You hurt me. You hurt me many, many times. You hurt me so intensely I never dared to tell you anything about it. I was a fool to think that it was a better way of dealing with things. And that, I presume to be my biggest mistake: I abandoned myself. I sought for your happiness that I forgot about mine altogether. And just like that, you vanished, very much like a soap bubble floating across air. I have watched you in complete awe, wonder and even fascination. And similar to any ethereal fleeting moment, you were gone, leaving me clueless as to whether you even existed in the first place.

So maybe what we had was love. Maybe I loved you, and I hope to heavens that you loved me back: even just for a split second when we held hands, or during that moment when I looked into your eyes, or the time when I laughed at one of your silly quirks. I'd be content with that idea, I'd be content that in the course of our friendship, there was a moment of mutuality; even if it was so quick I never noticed it all.

Perhaps I still do love you, but that won't do much now. I can fight to save everything that I've invested, but I chose not to. I have treasured you in the past, and that will be enough. Right now, all I can do is wish you well in all your endeavors, including the pursuit for the one who is right for you. When you find her, I wish she makes you happy. You make her happy as well.

The end is only a beginning disguised as a parting. I will still think about you every now and then, probably be sad once in a while, but you need not to worry. For I am okay and I will be okay under all circumstances. It may take time for me to love again, but in the long run, it will be all worth it. I may still risk myself, but every risk in its own respect is worth taking anyway. Love is such a convoluted mixture of emotions and decisions that it's a matter of working your way through it.

Thank you for gracing my life like a whirlwind, leaving me breathless and hurt, inspired and furious, affectionate and listless. You've taught me quite a lot and I learned them in the most humbling manner. Thank you for showing me what it means to be human, to commit mistakes, and to discover how to regain yourself after everything that had happened.

Found these from author Patrice Michelle's website:

My Darling,

My heart beats for you alone. Every waking moment, you allure my thoughts with sweet words and deeds. Hearing your voice brings peace, comfort and a smile to my face at the sheer thought of you.

When our eyes locked for the very first time, you rendered me breathless. Now, with the same intense gaze, passionate warmth envelops my heart.

As each moment passes us by, I feel myself drawn more closely to you. The memories we have shared thus far encompass only the beginning.

My heart soars when I am with you. In your absence, I close my eyes and dream of your close embrace, our fingers intertwined and your soft lips pressed against mine. Everything about you takes my breath away.

Body, Mind, Heart and Soul - with you I am in tune.

You are my angel.

I love you.

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me; if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other, many times I thought I finally found you to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended. I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, and longing to meet you.

I am thinking of how we will meet. Would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in the movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known love. I don’t have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find the right person; and since I have not found yet, then maybe I don’t really know what love is.

You just don’t know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don’t really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I found my strength in clinging into my vision of a beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all the pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect --- for YOU! I wonder if you’ve been hurt so many times along the journey.

But my dearest one, please don’t ever give up because I am right here. Hold on to our dream and don’t even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happen. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don’t worry; don’t be afraid about getting lost. God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

Dear Boy,

I do not know who you are, or where or when we will meet, but I do hope it is soon.

I pray that when we meet and fall in love, you will love me for me, and not hope for someone who is thinner or prettier. I hope you won't compare me to girls who may have brighter smiles. I hope that you will make me laugh, take care of me if I get sick, and be trustworthy.

I hope you will remember that I prefer tulips to roses, and that my favorite color changes with my mood. Please know that my eyes aren't blue, they're green – as green as the emerald.

Please know that I might be too shy to kiss you first, but please don't be afraid to kiss me. I won't slap you or push you away. I'm sure your kisses will be perfect. When we go on a date, please don't stress about where to take me; what's important is that I'll be with you.

If I cry, please know it isn't because of you, just hold me close and I'll heal quickly. And, if it is because of you, I'll heal just the same.

And if we decide to break up, please understand that I may be bitter, but I'd like to be your friend if you'll let me. I promise to remember that you have feelings too even though you'll never admit it and when you are ready we'll have a friendship.

Please tell me if anything I do bothers you, or if something just doesn't sit right. I would like you to always be honest with me. If I have a bad day, I hope you will shower me with confidence and smiles.

I hope you don't think that I'm asking too much of you. I hope you understand that I'm a little bit nervous and very scared. I wish I could tell you how or when we will meet, and if we will be in love forever. Every relationship is a new game of cards, and ... (sigh) ... I've never been good at cards. But I will try my best to be kind and love you dearly for all that you are, without expecting too much from you. Thank you for listening; this is all that I ask.

Yours always,

Me

There are just a couple of things that I thought I should tell you. I learned these while I was the object of your guy's affection.

First of all, don't be frightened if he smothers much more love on you than you had expected. Don't be surprised if he treats you much better than any other guy you have ever met. And let it not scare you that he will actually listen carefully to every word you say, even when you're just speaking quietly.

Also, you should know that he remembers everything you will say. He's hurt easily, especially by the painful words a careless girl will say. Believe me – been there, done that! If you do hurt him, then you'll have to pay the price of seeing the broken look in his passionate and deep brown eyes, and watch the light in them fade. But if this happens, all is not lost – a kiss and an "I love you" can heal anything. And please, don’t say I love you to him unless you really mean it. Nothing hurts him more than someone who really doesn’t care.

Sometimes, he won't tell you what he is feeling, but just know that he is protecting you and if you ever feel that something isn't right, just look into his beautiful brown eyes and you will be able to see into him. You can see everything he is feeling, everything he is thinking, everything that isn't right with him.

He won't ever try to hurt you because he just isn't that way. So please don't hurt him because if you do, I don't think I could ever forgive you. I don't think there could ever be a worse feeling in the world than knowing that you have the guy that I love and knowing that you hurt him.

You should know that if you two ever get into a fight, just make sure you pick only the ones worth fighting for. He will always keep his temper and will never curse at you or call you names despite the anger he may be feeling.

Though he may act mature most of the time, once he's given you his heart, he will begin to open up to you and his silliness will make your heart smile in a way that words cannot ever explain.

Don't hold a tight grip on him. Let him go and be part of the world and experience new things. You will find that he is a busy guy and that he is so very independent. Sometimes, he will need his space but don't worry. He'll always make time for you and even when you're not around, you'll be in his thoughts.

You will find that he isn't like any other guy that you have met so please don't take him for granted. When it comes to his money, don't take advantage of that. He will be so unselfish with it because that is the way he is.

Remember, he likes blue better than green, blondes better than brunettes, Republicans better than Democrats, soft pretzels win over steak, khaki over denim, leather over cloth, and even though he won't admit it, he really does like to be surprised.

He is less tough than he may appear. You just have to take the time and let him bring down his guard. He is so sweet and so amazing and know that if you ever leave him, you will break his heart apart – the same way that my heart breaks apart as I sit here writing this to you.

Don't ever try to pull him away from his dreams. He is going to be an extremely successful engineer and won't ever let you give up on your dreams either. He will encourage you to become everything you can be and will never, ever let you down.

He likes it when you kiss his ear and nothing is better than hugging each other. Just watch how your hand will fit perfectly into his and when it does, it seems as if nothing in the world could hurt you because he is there.

And when he puts his arms around you and tells you that you are the girl he loves, you will know, there isn't any guy in the world better than him.

Don't ever let him go. You will regret doing so for the rest of time.

I promise, you will.