Bratty Girl: Fairytale Syndrome

Fairytale Syndrome

December 7, 2007

We girls are a hard row to plow. Not satisfied with just a well-balanced relationship, most of us dream of happy endings and knights/princes on white horses.

This can lead to disaster when we meet the wrong guy and try to make him fit into some fantasy criteria, or have a gem on our hands and don’t realise it because he doesn’t fit our ideal.

Many a budding relationship have been ruined at the hands of girls who get so swept away by love, they throw away any notion of boundaries of right or wrong.

What is this phenomenon called? Well, let's just call it ‘fairytale syndrome’.

Soulmate fantasy: You believe that there is only one soulmate out there to complete you... and that when you meet them, you’ll know right away. Well, this may seem like a harmless fairytale fantasy but can also be the path to self-destruction. There are many people that can be considered your ‘soulmate’, it just depends on how you look at it. If you keep waiting for that one true love to show up, you will either keep ending up in disappointing relationships because you fall too hard, too fast, or become bitter when you don’t find them.

Master-servant fantasy: Fairytales often have royalty of some sort marrying a peasant girl and rescuing her from a life of drudgery. Of course this can happen in real life too – look at Charles and Diana, or Nicholas Cage hooking up with a sushi waitress (a more disturbing example: Woody Allen and adopted stepdaughter Soon-Yi). The danger of this is that you soon enough wake up and realise what you have to give up to live the fantasy. Rich men can have their pick of women, and they usually go for someone ornamental, who can boost their ratings amongst their peers. Think about whether you want a fulfilling life on your own terms, or if you’re happy to do ‘charity work’ for your husband’s company.

Love is forever: ... except when it’s not. Many of you get stuck in stale, dead-end relationships because you think ending a relationship is giving up. Remember that giving up makes way for the new. Love can be forever, but it shouldn’t hurt, be an uphill slog or make you cry your eyes out. Accept that sometimes, a relationship is temporary and that by ending it, you are doing the best for all parties concerned. Take care of yourself before you attempt to take care of anyone else.

‘I must wait’ fantasy: If you wait long enough, Rapunzel, some dude on a white pony will come and whisk you out of the wicked witch’s grasp. Not! Unfortunately, boys don’t tend to drop into your lap. If you’re staying at home every night expecting Mr Right to puff up the stairs to come get you, you’re more likely to turn into Miss Havisham. I’m not saying pursue any boy who shows the slightest interest in you, just make an effort to keep up your social contacts and if you meet someone likely, let them know.

Beauty and the beast syndrome: Ahhh, this one’s a classic. Who hasn’t fantasised about finding a diamond in the rough and turning him into a diamond on your finger? News for you darling: if he smokes pot every day or if he’s never made an effort to spend time with you, he’s not going to magically morph because you’ve been so patient and good. There’s no motivation for him to, because that sort of behaviour is obviously getting him results.

It should be easy syndrome: Relationships are never easy. You will always eventually come to a rock or encounter a storm. Some situations exist to test the strength of your relationship. In fairytales, you don’t get to read or see much past ‘and they lived happily ever after’. I bet you that even Cinderella and Prince Charming quarrelled over socks on the floor and whether they were raising the kids right. Small fights once in a while can be healthy as they bring issues out into the open, it’s only when the fights are constant that you have to start worrying.