Bratty Girl: Breakup ground rules

Breakup ground rules

January 25, 2008

I was just reading A Sassy Little Guide to Getting Over Him by Sandra Ann Miller. I really don't like the "I'm desperate enough to buy this because I'm afraid I'm gonna die alone" books (whatever genre is this called anyway?) because the few I've read are all rubbish. This book by Miller, however, didn't feel like the author was just talking blah blah blah.

As the title suggests, the book is all about getting over someone who broke your heart. I didn't know what to expect when I got this little pink book but I was surprised to find it quite entertaining. It's honest and blunt yet witty and funny with a dose of compassion in it as well. It has some great advice for breakupees: how to start healing, preventing breakup mistakes, how to keep yourself from running him over with a bulldozer, etc. It's verra sensible too. Totally may-jah!

Check out this fun excerpt:

Before we go any further, you need to make some promises to yourself. Raise your hand and repeat after me...

I, (state your name), do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will not behave in the manner of a crazy ex-girlfriend. I will not participate in foolish or destructive behavior. I promise to act in a dignified fashion and that means I will not do stupid things, no matter how I might rationalize them. Therefore, I vow the following:

I will not call him. No matter what good or bad news I think he should hear only from me, I will not call him. Even if I am convinced it will make me feel better, I will not call him. I will not call him even to get my stuff. I'll have a friend to do that, preferably via email.
I will not email him. Not even an innocent and rather funny group email forward. I will not email him simply to give him back his stuff. I will not contact him at all.
I will not frequent the places I know he goes to, even if I went there first and like it better. I acknowledge that this is not a pissing contest bout territory. I know going to such places will hurt me more that it will help. Until there has been some space and time between us, going to those places is asinine, can be viewed as stalker-ish and will be painful only to me.
I will not encourage or allow friends to do anything foolhardy, even with my best interest at heart. That includes talking to him when they see him in public to let him know he is a jerk and he'll never do better than me, or to share that I am looking fabulous, got a promotion, bought a new house and am dating George Clooney (or the regional equivalent thereof).
I will screen all of my calls. I will get caller ID, if necessary, and put "private call block" on my phone. I will not answer the phone unless I know who it is and am sure it's not him. All other calls will go to voicemail.
I will not take his calls. I repeat, I will not take his calls.
I will not return his phone calls or emails. If he is "just checking" to see how I am, I know he is really just checking to see if I think he's a jackass. He is looking for an ego stroke, not to get back together, and I know this because he did not start out the communication with, "I am sorry. I made a mistake. I want us to get back together."
I will not look for signs that we will get back together. This includes asking the Magic-8 Ball or tarot card readers and the like. The only professional guidance I will seek will be that of a licensed therapist or member of the clergy.
I will not believe this is temporary. I will see this as permanent until proven otherwise by concrete actions, immense apologies and couple's therapy.
I will not hide under the rock, be humiliated or ashamed that this relationship ended. For all I know, this could be the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe the wonderful stuff I deserve is on its way.

I promise to abide by these vows for at least thirty (30) days, or until I have gotten over him, whichever is longer. This is about me feeling better and that has nothing to do with him.

This I do affirm. So help me.

Signed:
Date:

**Excerpt copyright (c) Sandra Ann Miller