Bratty Girl

Sometimes when I walk among the world of the two legged, I see and hear many things. Often I have noticed that people get so caught up with their lives that they tend to miss out on the simple things that bring great joy, peace and a feeling of well being. The world and the events that take place around them cause them to become faint with worries and as they slowly lose themselves and become completely consumed by the things going on around them, they forget the simple things that bring inner peace and happiness.

Things such as feeling the gentle breeze upon their exposed flesh and as it blows through their hair gently tossing it from side to side. The sounds of the birds as they welcome the rising sun and the fragrance of the flowers after a gentle rain. I look around me and I see things great and small. I realize that they're a part of me and that I, too, am apart of them. We exist together for we are apart of all that is and all that remains. I walk hand in hand with my life mate and we have come to learn that if we lose ourselves in the fears and worries of the events that are so readily pushed upon us, we also lose track of who we are and where we're going.

Sometimes we must just stop and take time to smell the rose. We need to catch our breath and to just enjoy life and its simple pleasures. Today I walked into my back yard and though I could hear the siren of a police car and also that of an ambulance, I listened to the wind blowing through the palm trees and the birds as they sang. I watched the clouds as they drifted endlessly by on the bluest sky. Inside me I felt the flutter of my heart as it became as one with my surroundings. I felt the air rush into my lungs and for just a brief moment I heard my heart sing.

Are there times that you feel like you are a leaf that is blown by the wind?

You know, like you just go where the wind takes you. You just drift in space and have no say in whatever direction the wind wishes to take you. Maybe for a time you will feel so light and free that you might enjoy the ride, but do you know that when the wind got tired of you, she just tosses you back to the ground where you wither and people just trample over you.

It is very sad that many people are just like that. Their life has no direction. They have no goal in life. They just exist but not really living. They are like a smoke that disappears without a trace.

I hope people will take the time to pause and reflect on where their life is heading. I see and read about many young people waste their life on alcohol, drugs and sex. They do anything out of peer pressure. They like to be in, they said, not realizing that it is the way out of this world that they're heading. I hope, for their sake, that they stop before it's too late.

And so, my advice to them is never be like a leaf that is blown by the wind, rather be like a leaf that clings to the bough no matter how strong the wind may be. Hang in there and keep growing. Live and be fruitful.

Although my past is a combination of 50 percent failure and 50 percent success, I don't regret any of my past failures I've encountered in my life. But the good thing is failures are already a dead issue for me. If I'll drag past failures behind me, I can't gain momentum moving towards tomorrow. And I don't want to follow the footsteps of people who drag their failures and hurts with them wherever they go. And the result is, they have had never make any progress.

I made lot of mistakes in my life, or I had an especially difficult past with many obstacles. But thank God, with the learned right kind of attitude, I had surpassed them all by working my way through it and moving on. Other individuals who had overcome tragedies or mistakes to pursue their potentials, and well known personalities who fought back from adversity and become a successful person, inspired me to developed my potential to overcome past hurts and obstacles and continually grow with the right attitude and thinking towards obstacles and failures. Now I know that obstacles must not prevent me from reaching my potential and goal.

I remember a Spanish proverb says, “A person who does not look ahead remains behind”. That is true. Mistakes, hurts and failures from the past will remain if we do not look ahead. I mean focus creating solutions, not problems. Past mistakes create problems within our journey if we drag our past hurts. It will prevent us to move forward. We should focus on the future and use the past as a learning experience.

I’ve also learned that we should not let failures go to our heads. Instead of dwelling on the negative consequences of failure, we must learn from our mistakes and think about how we can improve our situation and ourselves. We should understand that failure could either bog us down or help us along our journey depending on our attitude towards it. A Failure remains a failure unless we don't learn from it. If we're not continually learning, we're going to make the same mistakes over and over again. It's okay if we fall down as long as we learn something as we get up.

Everyone has had failures from the past. The fact that we have been knocked down is interesting to others who are against us and those who don't believe on us (don't mind them). The important is the length of time we remain down and the things we learn while we're down and how we get up.

Your ex-love gave her wedding invitation to you personally when suddenly a tear rolled down from your eyes. She wiped it immediately and said, “You’re the one I want to be with … but you didn’t fight for me.”

Up to where can you prove your love for someone? What will you do if that someone asks you, “Do you really love me?” Then tells you, “If yes, then set me free.”

“Time will come, you’ll get mad at me. Time will come, you’ll ask me why I left you. But when that time comes, this is all I have to say, “It’s not that I left you, it’s because you let me go.”

It’s hard to realize and to accept when the one you love has to go … it hurts but you say, “I can survive this.” But tears fall ’cause what you really mean is … “Oh God, what’s gonna happen to me?”

“When I die, there’s just one thing I ask … I hope you’re there crying for me. But on the other hand, never mind. Why? Coz I don’t wanna see you cry on the arms of someone else.”

“I wish I never met him. I wish I didn’t trust and hope too much. I wish I didn’t put myself up just to get hurt. But when I remember how much he made me happy, I go back to being stupid.”

“I was first hurt by someone I really love. I didn’t want to give up even if it hurts. But one day … I did. Why? Because I got so tired and exhausted. I realized how hard it is to love someone who’s not meant for you.”

“I fought for you because I love you. I didn’t give up on you even though it was difficult. But when you said to me, “Sorry, I’m tired,” my heart was shattered. Not because I saw everything I worked for go down the drain, but because you left me fighting alone.”

Letting go doesn’t always mean, “It’s over.” Breaking up would not mean, “I’ve had enough.” Instead, it’s as good as saying, “I don’t want to see you sad anymore, go on, you deserve someone better.”

“I feel sad when I don’t get to see you. I get hurt each time you ignore me. I’m jealous when I see you with somebody else. Gosh! I want to keep you all to myself. But then I realized … I don’t have the right. Coz you’re not mine.”

“Sometimes, even though you already love someone, it’s still possible to fall in love with somebody else. If that happens to you and you’re forced to choose … follow your heart and choose the person who you’ll be happy with. Even if it’s not me as long as you’re happy.”

“I loved you though I know it’s wrong. I waited for you for so long. I gave you my all until there’s nothing left for myself. I did everything for you. But is it enough for you to love me? Or is it enough for me finally give up?”

“I got tired of waiting for you… I don’t wanna get hurt anymore. So I’m gonna stop hoping and I’ll try to move on … but I’ll walk away slowly … real slow … so if by any chance you wanna stop me, you can still catch up.”

“I’ve done the bravest thing in my life. I let go of someone I love so much. But as I did the bravest thing, I never felt weaker. All I did was cry and wish that, “I hope I was never that brave.”

Loving someone can sometimes be exhausting. No matter how much you love a person, time will come when you have to give that person up, not because you don’t love him anymore, but because you’re hurting too much coz he can’t take care of you.

The world can be so damn confusing. You wait for the one you love. The one you don’t love waits for you. But the saddest thing of all … you love him, he loves you, but fate doesn’t want you to be together.

Did you ever love someone but you had to let them go? You thought they don’t love you, never cared. One day, you see that person again already with a kid. You ask them, “What’s the name of the kid?” they smiled and said, “Same as yours.”

“When you walked by, I told my friend, “I loved that guy.” My friend asked me, “So why did you let him go?” I answered, “If he were MINE, do you think I’ll ever let him go?”

When I was a child, I wanted to grow up and fall in love. Now that I’ve grown up and falling, how I wish I was still a child … coz it’s easier to heal a broken knee than a broken heart!

People say that love is the best gift anyone could give and have … my heart was crushed and I asked myself: “Isn’t it tragic when I’ve got so much love to give, yet no one seems to want it?”

Sometimes there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone. Why? Not because the person started hating us, but because we ran out of reasons to fight for what we feel.

“Teach me how to be strong before you go. Teach me how to believe if you ever lie. Teach me how to control my tears before I start to cry. And please, teach me how to make you stay before you say goodbye.”

It’s hard to live alone. It’s harder to choose someone to love. But the hardest part of loving is to admit that you’ve fallen for someone who can never be yours.

When you fall in love, don’t give everything without leaving something for yourself … someday, somehow, it would be too late for you to realize that you’ve given all for the wrong one, without saving something for the right one.

“I don’t run from you, I walk away slowly. And it kills me because you don’t care enough to stop me.”

Life is ironic! Sometimes you keep on crying even if the guy neglects you, but you get surprised one day that just when you stopped crying and found someone new, that’s when he starts crying over losing you.

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

It hurts when the one you love left you and said, “You deserve someone better.” Then all you can say is … “Maybe I do.” But deep inside you’re crying coz you know you can’t find “BETTER” when you already found the “BEST.”

A time comes in your life when you finally get it . . .

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying, or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes, you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world, there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are . . . and that's OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety & security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process, a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you, is a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. You begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh, what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive, how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents. You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive and that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a by gone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything; it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. Romantic love and familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love; and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms, just to make you happy.

You learn that alone does not mean lonely. You look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10 and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right, to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less. You allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you, to glorify you with his touch and in the process, you internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. Just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul; so you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that for the most part in life, you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen, is different from working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time; FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears, because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear, is to give away the right to live life on your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom. You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers; it's just life happening.

You learn to deal with evil in its most primal state; the ego. You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted; things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about; a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself, by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind, and you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in a room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index cards. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by authors or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched form floor to ceiling, seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was the one that read "People I Have Liked." I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read", "Lies I have Told", "Comfort I Have Given", "Jokes I Have Laughed At.” Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Little Brother." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger", "Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents. Often there were many more card than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my 25 years to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To", I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of the music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew the file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts", I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. One though dominated my mind; "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them! In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I couldn't dislodge a single card. I had became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it. The title bore "People that I Have Taught About God." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than tree inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

An then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. They serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be: roommate, neighbor, professor, friend, lover. Even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know in that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you, and at the time they may seem horrible, painful, and unfair. But in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles, you would have never realized your potential, strength, will power, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere...safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless. The people you meet who affect your life, and the successes and downfalls you experience, create who you are. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.

I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot. Why? Because when you think about the consequences you always think as a negative result.

Some people get frozen by that fear of failure. They get it from peers or from just thinking about the possibility of a negative result. They might be afraid of looking bad or being embarrassed. I realized that if I was going to achieve anything in life I had to be aggressive. I had to get out there and go for it. I don't believe you can achieve anything by being passive. I'm not thinking about anything except what I'm trying to accomplish. Any fear is an illusion. You think something is standing in your way, but nothing is really there. What is there is an opportunity to do your best and gain some success. If it turns out my best isn't good enough, then at least I'll never be able to look back and say I was too afraid to try. Failure always made me try harder the next time.

That's why my advice has always been to 'think positive' and find fuel in any failure. Sometimes failure actually just gets you closer to where you want to be. If I'm trying to fix a car, every time I try something that doesn't work, I'm getting closer to finding the answer. The greatest inventions in the world had hundreds of failures before the answer were found.

I think fear sometimes comes from a lack of focus or concentration. If I had stood at the free-throw line and thought about 10 million people watching me on the other side of the camera lens, I couldn't have made anything. So I mentally put myself in a familiar place. I thought about all those times I shot free throws in practice and went through the same motion, the same technique I had used thousands of times. You forget about the outcome. You know that you are doing the right things. So relax and perform. After that you can't control anything anyway. It's out of your hands so don't worry about it.

I approached practices the same way I approached games. But that's not how a lot of people approach things. And that's why they fail. If you are trying to achieve, there will be roadblocks. I've had them, everybody has had them.

But obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Michael Jordan

We go through life making decisions everyday and most of these decisions determine, to a large extent, how we live - be it where to go for dinner, what to wear to the office or who to go out with on Saturday night. Most of these decisions are made with our subconscious minds and some are so routines we hardly give them much thought.

However, there are times in our lives when we are faced with decisions that will completely change the course of our lives, and it is during these times when we sit down and ponder over our choices and alternatives: a new car, a new home, a girl/boyfriend, a life partner. I have come to this conclusion that for most of us, for most of the time, we know which decision we would make, and we only delay in making it for the sake of giving ourselves more time. This is so that if it turns out that it was a wrong decision, we can at the very least say that we had given it enough thought and consideration.

We will always be faced with decisions that we have to make, whether we want to or not. The thing is that we have a choice. It might turn out to be a good choice; it might turn out to be a bad one. But having the power to choose at that moment in time, we would have to live with the consequences of our decisions.

No use thinking of what could have been, for it has come to past and no amount of thinking can revert the situation.

When people ask me if I ever regretted making a wrong decision, I always give them the same answer.

No regrets.

For me, it's all the experiences that I've been through, the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the laughter and the tears, the friends and the jerks, the black and the white... everything!

You mix them all together in a large salad bowl, add some salad dressing, there you go - Life. Don't like the asparagus and brussel sprouts? Then don't eat them. Don't like the tomatoes? Well tomatoes are good for you, but it's your choice.

You want some olive oil to go with your salad? There you go, pour all you want.

Life.

I never said it’s always easy and happy. What I'm trying to say is in your life, there are the good stuff (like croutons and bacon bits) and the bad (like asparagus and sprouts). Everything is "nicely" package. We just sometimes forget to look at the price tag hidden on the underside.

The good stuff, enjoy all you can (while they last). The bad stuff, you can either force it down your throat, or push them to the side of the plate. But if you keep staring at the asparagus and keep thinking about it and worrying about it, it's not going to turn into an apple slice, it's not going to change things, and while you are doing all the fretting over your stupid asparagus, you might be missing out on some of the good stuff.

The salad bowl is life itself and we didn't have the choice of what we ordered in the first place. We weren't shown the menu. That, perhaps, is the sick part.

It happens to all of us. We've thrown into circumstances where we have to pretend to be someone else. Like when you graduate from high school, go to college and pretend you're a college student. Or you get married and pretend you're a wife. Or you have a baby and pretend you're a mother. You ask for instruction manual and everybody chuckles.

You're in dead earnest.

I am watching CNN as I write this and I am riveted by the showdown between two likeable Democratic nominees who both could make great American presidents. I am in awe of how much effort they have put into campaigning to be where they are today.

When I think of how much they want to be president, I marvel at what I imagine is the daily sustained effort they have to put in to make this happen. Everything they do counts toward a vote or the loss of one. I count in my head how many handshakes, conversations, speeches, personal appearances, photo ops each candidate has had to go through and will continue to muster if they are to be their party’s candidate and win the election.

This is an article in praise of the seemingly insignificant small efforts that make up the stuff of life. Often, we only see the big, broad strokes, forgetting that the mighty oak begins its life as a tiny acorn and it takes a while for it to be the majestic tree we admire and appreciate.

Very often, we are on the lookout for the big deal, the shining moment, the headline news or the big extravaganza in our lives. We are addicted to the gigantic, the dramatic, the “life-changing” event, person or thing that will move us. In fact, many times, we ignore the small stories because there is no story but the big one, the one that rivets our attention and makes us go, “Wow.”

It’s amazing that, to many of us, the only significant things, events or people that count are those that can stimulate us or affect our emotional state in a palpable way. And their value to us is all about how intensely they can do this. If they do not, they are not really of any importance to us. Perhaps this is one of the neuroses of modern times.

The continuous onslaught of titillation and stimulation from the media that arouses awe, fear, anger, elation, laughter, tears and other “peak” feelings has made of our lives a frenzied madness. We feel alive only if we feel all or some of these. Otherwise, we climb the walls out of restlessness and boredom. We find that we are uncomfortable with silence and non-activity. It’s as if life and the world have stopped and, during those moments, we can get not only antsy and bored but seriously prone to depression.

When this happens, we forget that the big picture is literally comprised of tiny pixels, that a forest consists of many trees, a symphony is composed of many notes, and to know, appreciate or love anything is to know and embrace its intimate details.

In my own life, my schedule is sometimes so tight and I am so totally immersed in “big” things. At such moments, I speed up and get a high feeling the wind on my face. But when my schedule suddenly lightens, I feel a big letdown. I know I still have to perfect the art of adjusting from 100 KPH to 5 KPH.

Sometimes, I do it well and sometimes I fail miserably. But when I succeed, I notice that it is all about paying attention to the details in one’s situation or action, no matter how fast or slow life is.

When I think of all the different roles I have played in my life — daughter, friend, sister, etc. — I measure my success by how much I learn about each one through long periods of time. The more details I pick up regarding a particular role, the more competent I feel and the more I seem to care about it.

In large measure, life is comprised mostly of the moments in between the big events when nothing important seems to be happening. And to one who thinks that “real living” has to be about the big song-and-dance routine or the shining moments when one’s emotional cup runneth over, the in-between times may seem as exciting as watching paint dry. It takes a certain sensibility to be able to appreciate such moments that are not about doing or achieving anything. More aptly, they are about simply allowing things to just be and appreciating them as they unfold.

People who practice Zen and other meditative practices point to the moment between inhaling and exhaling as a blink of time so subtle that if one is aware of it, one is probably in the moment. I believe that it is our tiny, largely unrecognized, unappreciated but sustained efforts that really count. It is those moments when we just seem to be plodding on that hold up the sky, so to speak, and that make everything, especially the big things, possible. The daily grind consists of small acts of perseverance which I know are as important as the end goal or the ambition achieved.

In a love relationship, the true test is not necessarily the fabulous, expensive gift that can bring your partner to ecstasy. I believe it is more about the little, sometimes too-subtle-to-notice efforts that show devotion and a silent but intimate love. It could be a soft touch while sleeping, an embrace for no reason, or the quiet but attentive listening while a lover talks of everyday things. There is a line in the song What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life? That to me points out a silent moment in a lover’s mind that says a mouthful.

I want to see your face,

In every kind of light,

In fields of gold and

Forests of the night;

And when you stand before

The candles on a cake.

Oh, let me be the one to hear

The silent wish you make.

To feel alive, we need not go for the big holiday, or the wild adventure. A reliance on the large, the elaborate or the intense to make us feel good is no different from an addict’s need for a shot in the arm to get to addict heaven. We have heard of kings and powerful people who have taken their lives because they felt it was meaningless or they were simply bored.

True living is in the details.

It happens to everyone. No, no. This is neither a line lifted from an adult diaper commercial nor is it from an awareness campaign for some venereal disease. I have bigger things on my mind than incontinence and VD. You see, this is what I say to myself — sort of my mantra for when awful things happen to me.

When I say “things,” I mean those that seem completely idiotic and worthy of a great, big smack on the forehead. You see, I have a close relationship with disgrace. Through puberty to adulthood, embarrassment is one emotion I have become quite familiar with.

Let’s face it. We all do stupid things, whether you’re an Einstein or an Average Joe. It’s just that sometimes we don’t think anything of it because there’s nobody around to see it happen. The “aha! factor” (more commonly known as getting caught) only makes it humiliating because society dictates that we give importance to others’ opinions and that we follow a standard of correctness.

1. Embarrassing experiences happen to everyone — maybe not to the same extent, but still they do.

2. No matter how great a person is at something, there is always room for human error.

3. Shame is the Lord’s tool of preference when He wants to whittle down your pride and your ego to their proper size.

4. Check for open flies and mismatched footwear before getting out of the car or house. The same holds true for keys, money, and underpants.

5. Never play with a jealous dog’s litter while letting it come near enough to snack on your armpits.

6. Look up unfamiliar words like “coitus” before throwing them around, just to sound smart.

7. Always sing loud and proud, but have the car windows up before belting out Colors of the Wind on a rainy-day drive.

8. It is not so bad to be laughed at. It’s better to see people laughing than crying around you.

9. Other people’s opinions do not matter. What matters is what you think of yourself.

10. It is true that what won’t kill you will only make you stronger, much like nasty Chinese herbal remedies.

11. It is also true that birds of the same feather flock together. I fly high and proud with my fellow ducks now. Whether or not my shoes match.

12. There is always a choice. You just might not like it.

13. Hope should be shared, not just kept. Same goes true for wealth and blessings.

14. Never question the Lord’s will. (Who’s to say I’m not His comic relief? Everyone needs a laugh. Why not Him? It’s a bit dead up there, isn’t it?)

I've always felt that things happen for a reason. Whether you're experiencing good times or bad, I feel that there's some sort of hidden lesson or purpose in every circumstance. I learn so much from every experience I go through, and oftentimes I find that I grow and mature the most when something unbearable happens.

So tell me, do you think that things happen for a reason or do you believe more in chance and luck?

It’s election season in America and we’ve seen the candidates go out of their way to put their best foot forward. Watching them, it makes me wonder what the other foot is like.

Everyone wants to be projected as the perfect leader, husband or wife, parent, citizen, etc., and if they can’t play the hero, they play it down or deny any accusations that may sully their projected ideal images. This holds true for every person in the public eye. Everyone wants to look perfect and ideal.

The curious thing is that even if almost everyone knows, at least in theory, that there is no such thing as a perfect person, there is still great disappointment, outrage even, when a perceived “hero” displays attitudes, opinions or actions that make him or her appear less than perfect. There is a feeling of betrayal among his or her admirers.

I often wonder why we humans have this burning demand and desire for perfection. We really want to have something or someone perfect to admire and emulate, despite what experience tells us — that there is no such animal. Is it because, deep down, the quest for perfection is all about the desire to experience God in our lives? Is that why anyone who tries to shine above the rest but ultimately fails the perfection test must be crucified in the end?

The two-timing lover, the priest whose carnal sins are exposed, the public official who is caught stealing, the “honorable” person who is exposed as a phony — they are all condemned by the public for failing to uphold their perfect images. Crudely but truthfully put, they are thrashed because they have unwittingly claimed to be God by rising above the rest only to be exposed as having feet of clay, just like the rest of us.

Apart from disappointment, there are people who get satisfaction in seeing someone great humbled, or cut down to size. It’s been the same story since the beginning of time. And so the world becomes bitter and cynical seeing so many of its leaders fall by the wayside, and looks for perfection elsewhere.

In his writings, Carl Jung debunked the idea of purity when he posited that there is nothing that comes from a pure source. He points to the history of the Catholic Church, which every moral guardian should study. Church history is replete with interesting but morally bankrupt characters — priests and popes with children and mistresses, “holy men” who allied themselves with the wealthy and powerful and looked the other way, or even sanctioned the ruling classes’ outrageous behavior.

They did this, for sure, for personal gain but cloaked it in the noble aim of service to the divine by enhancing the power of the Church over the lives of everyone. But still, despite its checkered past, it cannot be denied that there were many who remained true to the service of this imperfect institution.

Every so often, we see high-profile people candidly admit to indiscretions or shortcomings. What surprises me (delights me, actually) more than their confessions is that the public not only forgives them but admires them for their candor. One example is Bill Clinton’s admitting to having had an affair. In Australia, during the last election campaign, Prime Minister Kevin Rudd admitted that he was thrown out of a strip joint in New York years ago for unruly drunken behavior. Remarkably, that admission may have helped propel his ratings. And more recently, much has been said about Hillary Clinton’s teary reaction when she lost the Iowa caucus. It showed a side of her that was “weak” and “human” — and it may have helped her win the New Hampshire primary the following week.

Perhaps we should learn how to look at ourselves in a kinder, more realistic light. While we cheer our heroes, let us not be tempted to elevate them to God status. Leaders are like everyone else — ordinary people!

What makes them different is they strive to rise above the rest of us and do extraordinary things despite their imperfections.

The first step is to admit imperfection. The embraced weakness itself becomes the key to recovering great strength.

I remember watching an athlete on TV who had only one arm. He said something interesting. He said, “The only difference between you and me is that you see my imperfection. Yours is still hidden.”

The following is a story of unknown origin that celebrates what I am talking about. It’s a good way to end this essay.

“A water-bearer in China had two large pots, each hanging on the end of a pole which he carried across his shoulders.

“One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. Daily, for a full two years, this went on, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots of water to his house.

“Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishment, for which it was made. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection. It was miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it was made to do.

“One day, after two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, the cracked pot spoke to the water-bearer. ‘I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes my water to leak out all the way back to your house.’

“The water-bearer said to the pot, ‘Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot’s side? That’s because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years, I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, we would not have such beauty.’”

Here are a few questions we should all ask ourselves at this time in our lives: Do you want a new experience in 2008 or would you like it to be just like the past years you’ve been living? Do you want to (finally) get over past experiences, attitudes and beliefs that have bogged you down in the past and start living with joy and power? Would you like to learn and acquire life-long tools that will help you unblock your creativity, and keep you unblocked for life? Do you want to totally amaze yourself in a great, positive, fantastic way in 2008?

That would be nice, wouldn’t it? In fact, it would be more than nice, it would be great! If you answered yes to all or any of these questions, it’s time to invest in yourself and experience the best of who you can be.

Not everyone can manage to bear the grief and agony that comes along with a break up. It comes across as the hardest phase of someone's life. Though it's a regular incident we come across these days but still the impact it has on someone's life is enormous. Besides once you go through this ordeal, you end up distrusting every relationship. All your friends suddenly become distant relations for you and you start thinking there's nothing called true love in the world. You start feeling lonely, hurt and you loose your ability to trust. You go into a shell wherein in certain cases you also have an identity crisis.

You tend to come across all the memories every now and then and make things more difficult for you to forget. Some people have the maturity to overcome these adverse conditions and they get into something creative to divert their attention. But then there are people who turn violent and destructive when they are hurt in love. They take the break up as a personal failure and hence have the feeling of disapproval of everything in life. You tend to get upset with the minutest of things. Your level of interest and involvement is at an all time low. Not only the present but you keep thinking about the future loss you have incurred because of your relationship not working out.

There are certain ways to come out of this feeling of failure and disturbed atmosphere. It depends on how best a person knows himself. The best possible way is to direct your energy in the right direction. Have a positive attitude towards what's happening in your life. Try putting in your energy in the things, which you've always longed to do but couldn't manage to do, due to lack of time or interest. One thing that often helps to overcome grief understands the very concept of life, that everything has a beginning, middle and an end.

So if it's grief today, it definitely has an end not far away. Hypnotherapy is also one of the cures to this condition. It has a steady approach but then in most of the cases it has given positive results. In a way it educates the person to let go off things or people who are no longer in your life and you are suppose to continue on your own. It gives a new dimension to your thoughts about life, a life that is precious. Hypnosis is not new to us. Even though we may not have used it too much in life, its worthiness has been proved time and again.

Most of the information we have regarding hypnosis is related to what we read at times and what is portrayed in films. In away what we know is right. It's the hypnotic quality that allows you to transcend to another platform where the present situation does not bother you and you become truly oblivious. Download the hypnosis MP3 and be transformed. Listen to what it contains and improve your stance in life. It may be a difficult period for you but find your inner peace and come out a stronger individual.

We hear all the time that we aren't supposed to judge others. In actuality, judging others is part of life. It is something that you won't escape no matter how many times you vow you'll never do it. You'll do it. In fact, even saying "Don't judge me!" is a judgment on the other person. You are judging them on their judgment of you. What we really need is to learn to judge others in the right way.

For those of you Christians out there who are thinking about the Bible admonitions, you need to take another look at them. They don't tell you to NOT judge, but rather to be careful of the judgment you do preform. For whatever criteria you judge others by, that same criteria will be applied to you!

Matthew 7:1 - Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Luke 6:37 - Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven:

John 7:24 - Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

If you don’t want to be judged by certain standards, then don’t judge others by those same standards. That’s hypocrisy. The truth is, we all judge people. We do it on our job applications, we do it when someone comes to our door, we do it based on a criminal background check, we do it based on grades, scores, and references.

If you’ve ever found yourself not liking someone you just met, you’ve judged them. Even if you discover that you like someone, then that too is a judgment. Deciding if someone needs help, or doesn’t need help is a judgment. Refusing to allow a thief to guard your house while you are away is a judgment. Wanting to control your children’s friends implies judgment. Deciding where to shop often implies a judgment of people. Disagreeing with another’s point of view is a pronouncement of judgment.

What we must be careful about is making judgments on things that tell us little about a person's character. A person's appearance ought to never be a basis for judgment. We should not base our judgment on a person's skin color, nose size, how tall, how short, how pretty, how ugly, eye color, hair color, and other physical qualities that we are born with and can do nothing about. These things tell us nothing about a person's character and thus should not be made.

My point is that we all make judgments. The key is making ‘righteous judgments’. Choose carefully by what standards you judge others. People will always judge you by those same standards to determine if you are hypocritical or not.

As much as you say you don't judge others, I can prove you wrong in a second. If you are disagreeing with this article or even agreeing with it, then you have judged my opinion to be either right or wrong. You've judged me. Without really ever knowing me, or meeting me, you've already formed a judgment of me. This is how we live. Everyone does this!

Now, let me make myself perfectly clear, I’m not one for lying or for telling people it’s OK to lie. Having said that, telling a little “white lie” every once in a while might actually be healthy when it comes to managing our interpersonal relationships. I clearly don’t need to go into all of the reasons why telling the truth is important. One of the fundamental foundations for our relationships depends on our ability to rely and trust those who are most dear and close to our hearts. So, now that I got that out of the way, I can talk about some of the reasons or exceptions to why telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth, might actually not apply. Here are four instances when it’s OK to tell a little white lie:

1. When the whole truth tears someone down and makes them feel horrible about themselves rather than builds them up, like saying “I like your new, extremely short haircut” when in reality it’s just awful. Brutal honesty can be used as a toxic weapon. We are not obligated to tell the whole truth if it hurts someone’s feelings.

2. A little white lie like mentioning the tooth fairy or Santa Claus is acceptable when it protects a child’s innocence or creative imagination. How can you argue with that one?

3. Offering passing pleasantries, like “Oh … it’s no trouble at all” or “I’m fine, thanks for asking,” counts as OK in my book, too.

4. Complimenting someone, but perhaps taking it a little too far, like saying “Your cookies are the best I’ve ever had," is also acceptable. Mild false truths make it easier for people to get along and are primarily harmless in most cases.