Bratty Girl

He is so discreet. He doesn't let his presence to be known. Waiting to see if she makes the first move, he waits ever so patiently. Just like one of her friends, not to be such a bother, or even think who he is. He takes you out of your shell and then with words, he'll make you melt in anticipation just so he can get his kicks from the girls with all the glitz.

This man is very sophisticated – mentally and physically. He wears designer labels, even tries to find that unique shirt and tie. He would try very much so to impress, let alone the way he would dress. He will listen to all your worries and problems, even offer you advice. He will tell you how much he thinks of you and what for you, he would do. The way he treats other women, he doesn't treat you, in fact it's with utter respect that he finds in you. He'll tell you that you are beautiful, smart and that you are a great person and that whoever has you is a very lucky person.

I don't know his name but I know in this world he can find fortune because he has the fame. I met him once, whoa! It was nice, he flattered me with his pride and charm, wittingly chatted a knowingly rhyme. He had me in such a spot; I thought it was heaven, him and me perfect if we could be. I just had a single doubt that something, somewhere wasn't right, like in a novel someone has to die. It was a flight to remember, a true escape from reality. Dreaming a fantasy of someone who could never be, here he was, chatting forever with me.

We talked for hours, losing a day at a time. It went so quick, faster than I could blink. Excitement got the better of me; I couldn't even do my job. I started to fall back in my work just like a slob. What was I honestly thinking? How long was this going to go on for? What happens next? Who is he, maybe he'll try and do something to me? No, he always said that I was this good, honest, beautiful person, which I did not really agree. Simply because I didn't know him and everything became blurry, all my favorite things, I didn't do anymore. Just him, glued like a young child playing a game, excited to talk to and thought that already knew, but that was just thoughts, what about reality? Where was I, up in a cloud away from the world? I tried to talk out aloud but couldn't because of him in my thoughts. Little did I know, but I had this hunch he is not Mr. Perfect nor a knight in shining armor – merely male as it is so.

Who, just who did he say he was? A male in disguise making rude remarks? No, not him he was far from that. Being the one who calls the shots, I was the one fired at! Wholly, I mean, whoa, what?!

Exactly, another intruder online, he tried but I mustered, and eventually gave up when I frankly told my story. He didn't know what hit him from behind, he had to look back and rescind.

This is a true online invasion of a male trying to pickup a female. So girls, read this, but don't weep, you'll be surprised at whom next you may meet.

Your ex-love gave her wedding invitation to you personally when suddenly a tear rolled down from your eyes. She wiped it immediately and said, “You’re the one I want to be with … but you didn’t fight for me.”

Up to where can you prove your love for someone? What will you do if that someone asks you, “Do you really love me?” Then tells you, “If yes, then set me free.”

“Time will come, you’ll get mad at me. Time will come, you’ll ask me why I left you. But when that time comes, this is all I have to say, “It’s not that I left you, it’s because you let me go.”

It’s hard to realize and to accept when the one you love has to go … it hurts but you say, “I can survive this.” But tears fall ’cause what you really mean is … “Oh God, what’s gonna happen to me?”

“When I die, there’s just one thing I ask … I hope you’re there crying for me. But on the other hand, never mind. Why? Coz I don’t wanna see you cry on the arms of someone else.”

“I wish I never met him. I wish I didn’t trust and hope too much. I wish I didn’t put myself up just to get hurt. But when I remember how much he made me happy, I go back to being stupid.”

“I was first hurt by someone I really love. I didn’t want to give up even if it hurts. But one day … I did. Why? Because I got so tired and exhausted. I realized how hard it is to love someone who’s not meant for you.”

“I fought for you because I love you. I didn’t give up on you even though it was difficult. But when you said to me, “Sorry, I’m tired,” my heart was shattered. Not because I saw everything I worked for go down the drain, but because you left me fighting alone.”

Letting go doesn’t always mean, “It’s over.” Breaking up would not mean, “I’ve had enough.” Instead, it’s as good as saying, “I don’t want to see you sad anymore, go on, you deserve someone better.”

“I feel sad when I don’t get to see you. I get hurt each time you ignore me. I’m jealous when I see you with somebody else. Gosh! I want to keep you all to myself. But then I realized … I don’t have the right. Coz you’re not mine.”

“Sometimes, even though you already love someone, it’s still possible to fall in love with somebody else. If that happens to you and you’re forced to choose … follow your heart and choose the person who you’ll be happy with. Even if it’s not me as long as you’re happy.”

“I loved you though I know it’s wrong. I waited for you for so long. I gave you my all until there’s nothing left for myself. I did everything for you. But is it enough for you to love me? Or is it enough for me finally give up?”

“I got tired of waiting for you… I don’t wanna get hurt anymore. So I’m gonna stop hoping and I’ll try to move on … but I’ll walk away slowly … real slow … so if by any chance you wanna stop me, you can still catch up.”

“I’ve done the bravest thing in my life. I let go of someone I love so much. But as I did the bravest thing, I never felt weaker. All I did was cry and wish that, “I hope I was never that brave.”

Loving someone can sometimes be exhausting. No matter how much you love a person, time will come when you have to give that person up, not because you don’t love him anymore, but because you’re hurting too much coz he can’t take care of you.

The world can be so damn confusing. You wait for the one you love. The one you don’t love waits for you. But the saddest thing of all … you love him, he loves you, but fate doesn’t want you to be together.

Did you ever love someone but you had to let them go? You thought they don’t love you, never cared. One day, you see that person again already with a kid. You ask them, “What’s the name of the kid?” they smiled and said, “Same as yours.”

“When you walked by, I told my friend, “I loved that guy.” My friend asked me, “So why did you let him go?” I answered, “If he were MINE, do you think I’ll ever let him go?”

When I was a child, I wanted to grow up and fall in love. Now that I’ve grown up and falling, how I wish I was still a child … coz it’s easier to heal a broken knee than a broken heart!

People say that love is the best gift anyone could give and have … my heart was crushed and I asked myself: “Isn’t it tragic when I’ve got so much love to give, yet no one seems to want it?”

Sometimes there would come a time when we have to stop loving someone. Why? Not because the person started hating us, but because we ran out of reasons to fight for what we feel.

“Teach me how to be strong before you go. Teach me how to believe if you ever lie. Teach me how to control my tears before I start to cry. And please, teach me how to make you stay before you say goodbye.”

It’s hard to live alone. It’s harder to choose someone to love. But the hardest part of loving is to admit that you’ve fallen for someone who can never be yours.

When you fall in love, don’t give everything without leaving something for yourself … someday, somehow, it would be too late for you to realize that you’ve given all for the wrong one, without saving something for the right one.

“I don’t run from you, I walk away slowly. And it kills me because you don’t care enough to stop me.”

Life is ironic! Sometimes you keep on crying even if the guy neglects you, but you get surprised one day that just when you stopped crying and found someone new, that’s when he starts crying over losing you.

Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest.

The worst feeling isn’t being lonely. It’s being forgotten by someone you could never forget.

It hurts when the one you love left you and said, “You deserve someone better.” Then all you can say is … “Maybe I do.” But deep inside you’re crying coz you know you can’t find “BETTER” when you already found the “BEST.”

There are things that are better left unexplained. Love. Pain. Betrayal. Heartbreak. The worst and most painful of experiences are oftentimes the hardest to explain. It is there right in front of you and yet you cannot seem to grasp it. Simply because it is difficult to even try to face it. And anything difficult discourages us. It is but human nature. And so we begin to drown ourselves in a sea of self-pity, loneliness and desolation, not knowing when it’s going to end or how. But it will end.

They say pain is inevitable, all of us will go through painful experiences in our lives, but misery, misery is optional. You make a reality check and you tell yourself you cannot stay miserable forever. Because somewhere in between, there is hope. And everywhere around you, there is life. You know that there will always be tomorrow, literally and figuratively, and the thought of it keeps you going, knowing that no matter how difficult life is today, there is hope that tomorrow just might be better.

Tomorrow is indeed very powerful, because it overcomes yesterday. Therefore it gives our lives more hope and meaning. They say the brightest future will always be based on forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches. We have to let go, because bitterness often puts away our strengths and weakens the littlest hope, making our lives more miserable than ever.

I used to have a sad story to tell … and along with it were questions I desperately searched for answers. It’s about love, pain, betrayal and heartbreak. I could torture myself for the rest of my life and still never fully understand. But you see, some things are better left unexplained.

In your life, you’ll make note of a lot of people. Ones with whom you shared something special, ones who will always mean something. There’s the one you first kissed, the one you first loved, the one you lost your virginity to, the one you put on a pedestal, the one you’re with… and the one that got away.

Who is the one that got away? I guess it’s that person with who everything was great, everything was perfect, but the timing was just wrong. There was no fault in the person, there was no flaw in the chemistry, but the cards just didn’t fall the right way, I suppose.

I believe in the fact that ending up with someone, finding a longtime partner that is, does not lie merely in the other person. I can actually argue that an equal part, or maybe even the greater part, has to do with the matter of timing. It has to do with you being ready to settle down and commit to someone in a way that goes beyond the little niceties of giddy romance.

How often have you gone through it without even realizing it? When you’re not ready to commit in that mature manner, it doesn’t matter who you’re with, it just doesn’t work. Small problems become big; inconsequential become deal breakers simply because you’re not ready and it shows. It’s not that you and the person you’re with are no good; it’s just that it’s not yet right, and little things become the flashpoint of that fact.

Then one day you’re ready. You really are. And when this happens you’ll be ready to settle down with someone. He or she may not be the most perfect, they might not be the brightest star of romance to ever have burned in your life, but it’ll work because you’re ready. It’ll work because it’s the right time and you’ll make it work. And it’ll make sense, it really will.

So that day comes when you’re finally making sense of things, and you find yourself to be a different person. Things are different, your approach is different, you finally understand who you are and what you want, and you’ve become ready because the time has truly arrived. And mind you, there’s no telling when this day will come. Hopefully you’re single but you could be in a long-term relationship, you could be married with three kids, it doesn’t matter. All you know is that you’ve changed, and for some reason, the one that got away, is the first person you think about.

You’ll think about them because you’ll wonder, “What if they were here today?” You’ll wonder, “What if we were together now, with me as I am and not as I was?” That’s what the one that got away is. The biggest “What if?” you’ll have in your life.

If you’re married, you’ll just have to accept the fact that the one that got away, got away. Believe me, no matter how fairy tale you think your marriage is, this can happen to the best of us. But hopefully you’re mature enough to realize that you’re already with the one you’re with and this is just another test of your commitment, one which will just strengthen your marriage when you get past it. Sure, you’ll think about him/her every so often, but it’s alright. It’s never nice to live with a “might have been,” but it happens.

Maybe the one that got away is the one who’s already married. In which case it’s the same thing. You just have to accept and know that your memories of that person will probably bring a nice little smile to your lips in the future when you’re old and gray and reminiscing.

But if neither of that is the case, then it’s different. What do you do if it’s not yet too late? Simple…find him, find her. Because the very existence of a “one that got away” means that you’ll always wonder, what if you got that one?

Ask him out to coffee, ask her out to a movie, it doesn’t matter if you’ve dropped in from out of nowhere. You’d be surprised, you just might be “the one that got away” as well for the person who is your “the one that got away.”

You might drop in from out of nowhere and it won’t make a difference. If the timing is finally right, it’ll all just fall into place somehow and you know, I’m thinking, it would be a great feeling, in the end, to be able to say to someone, “Hey you, you’re the one that almost got away.”

Every day since our childhoods, we’ve been picking up messaging and cues which have contributed to shaping our perception of The Ideal Man. Whether you based it off your father or another male figure that was very active in your life, what your mother told you was the ‘right guy’, or from movies, books, other media and interaction with the opposite sex, it is unavoidable that you have ended up building up beliefs and predetermined ideas about what a relationship and the man you have it with should ideally be like. The trouble is, isn’t there a point when we need to switch from fantasy to reality?

There is no such thing as a perfect man, that’s for damn sure, but as sure as the sun will rise and set tomorrow, I also know that we’re not in danger of coming across the perfect woman either. Perfection implies flawless and the very nature of being a human being with emotions that sometimes gets it right and at other times makes it wrong, means that it is impossible for a perfect specimen to exist. Even if you did meet someone that appeared to be perfect, you’d either spend a lot of your time wondering what the frigging catch was, or be incredibly disappointed when they acted ‘human’ or God forbid, screwed up.

If we keep on assuming that there is someone perfect to slot into our lives we’re setting ourselves up for a life of disappointment. This is no more likely to happen than we are to come across a ‘soulmate’ that thinks and acts exactly like we do, all of the time. Life throws curve balls which means that when our partner has an hour, day, week, month where he doesn’t think and act as we’d prefer, our false and exaggerated expectations will make us feel emotionally wounded and let down.

The very idea of a man expecting us to be perfect twenty four seven will make most women shudder and stamp their feet at their egotistical desire for perfection and it’s no different when we’re the ones that demand it. Whether you’ve got a master list of criteria in your head or are subconsciously chasing your dream vision of a man, you’re actually narrowing your field of vision, reducing the pool to fish from and setting yourself up for a fall from the giddy heights of great expectation. You’re effectively chasing something that doesn’t and will never exist.

The trouble with great expectations about the perfection of your partner is that you aren’t making allowances for the fact that they can and they will screw up. When you’re clocking up a list of characteristics of The Ideal Man, you don’t think ‘tall, dark, handsome, trustworthy, loving, caring, religious, shares the same aspirations and ambitions, strong values, wants to get married and have babies, leaves skidmarks in his pants, can’t tidy up to save his life, belches or farts without saying pardon, forgets anniversaries, sometimes doesn’t express what he feels and means very well, tries to fix instead of listening etc’. THAT is real life!

Until it becomes common day practice to buy a robot that can be and do all that you want, perfection will remain elusive and even if it came in the form of a robot, I’m sure that it would be subject to technical faults and loss of battery life. Yes, perfection really doesn’t exist for the task of relationships.

I wonder what love is…

Sometimes, it feels like sunshine on the perfect day. I just want to bask in it. But a shadow passes and it becomes a vengeful storm; I just want to get out of it. One day, I'm flying. Another day, I'm drowning. Then, I can't have enough of it – craving and bursting with insatiable desire. Soon, I'm sick to my heart and dying to tear away. Now, a welcome delight; streaming in like dawn through an open window. Quickly, a horror- ten thousand rivers washing my life away.

Tell me – which one of these tortured, conflicting emotions is love?

Is love an illusion then? An emotional blindfold that tricks you into a cruel commitment? If it has all ended so badly, tell me – what was it I felt when it was beginning? Love, eh? Fickle love. It teases you into deep waters and abandons you in the middle.

I'm sure all of that sounded quite familiar. Love is one wicked experience. After you've fed fat on a few romantic novels and watched a few movies, you go in thinking you are about to be launched up to cloud nine. “Cloud nine” turns out to be a tiny room with no windows, occupied by two people struggling to breathe.

How can something that felt so sweet at the beginning turn out to be so sour in the end? How can something that felt so natural at the beginning get to demand so much effort in the end? How can something that felt so filling at the beginning turn out to be so draining in the end? How can something turn out to be so different from what it felt like in the beginning?

The conclusion: love is left somewhere between dusk and dawn. It slipped out through the window, grew wings and flew away. Without its magic dust shading our vision, we see ourselves as we truly are – grossly inadequate, terribly irritating. It abandons us, strips the props from our beautifully constructed stage, leaving us to wallow in bare, grinding reality. It is, itself, like the wind – no telling when it will come or when it will go. So, when we commit to each other, we keep our fingers crossed, hoping that love stays to keep it sweet and beautiful.

I wish I could sit love down and have a chat with him. I'll tell him to stop popping in and popping out of peoples lives like it was a children's game. Don't you know lives are wrecked by your whimsical behavior? That's what I'll tell him. Stop picking people up, whirring them up to dizzying heights then letting them fall and dash themselves into a million pieces. Once you come, stay – damn it! We are at your mercy, o love! Once you come into our hearts, for heaven's sake – stay there forever.

Love is not a feeling, so don't bother asking which one of the million and one things you feel when you see an attractive man or woman – is love. None of them is. None of them is the sign that he or she is The One. Nothing you feel confirms the rightness of your urge to pursue them or guarantees the happiness of a future with them. The truth – the certainty you seek – is not in your feelings. They will always be what they are – temperamental, fickle and constantly changing. That is the eternal nature of our feelings.

Love is a choice. It is a decision you make after you've seen the facts. Love chooses. Love decides. It is not a mysterious charm or an over powering attraction that holds it down. Love is always free, never bound. It stays because it chooses to stay. It is not at the mercy of emotions it cannot control. It does not depend on feelings it cannot control. I tell you – love is the decision to be with someone and do whatever it takes to make it work.

It is not what you think in your head or feel in your heart. It is what works for the person you are living with. Deciding to discover what this is and to do it consistently, regardless of how you may feel on any given day, this is what love is. It is in this sense that the Bible says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son” (John 3:14). In plain English – God wanted to be with man and did what needed to be done to make it happen. We do not love because we feel; we love because we are willing and able to do what needs to be done to be with someone.

So the next time you wonder – is it love? Don't check how you feel. Look at the person – look at their needs and their expectations, their dreams and their aspirations, their weaknesses and their inadequacies – and ask yourself; am I willing and able to make this person happy?

We all think that love is all about the deep things in life – and that the strong bonds of love might be about the sacrifices that people make for each other. Well, love can be a little simpler than that.

A recent research conducted with 52 couples found that laughing strengthens the relationship. When people laugh at the same thing, they validate each other's opinions. Private jokes and pet names, things that others just don't get, strengthen ties between couples.

One of main reasons why people who laugh together find that they grow to have each other is because laughter is a pleasurable experience. The more positive memories you have, the more you love the other person.

If you have ever ate something and got sick and then decided from that time on not to eat the food again? Same thing applies to relationships that have a lot of negative images. Negative images add up to pull the relationship apart.

The second component of love is those secret little pet names and private jokes that no one else knows about. These little secrets help the couples feel that they are in a tight bond. It seems that they are likely in their own little world with their own language that no one else understands.

So, may I suggest that go ahead, create endearing yet funny and unusual pet names. Even "klunkhead" may evoke such giggling-inducing and warm associations with the moniker that only the two of you will hold dear.

As little girls we grow up dreaming of having the perfect fairytale. We imagine the man we’ll someday marry, how we’ll meet, how he’ll kiss, how he’ll propose. We have the complete love story planned out in our imaginations and, somehow, we believe every ounce of it. We have that remarkable innocence that allows us to see ourselves as grown women, trapped in a doorless tower with the longest blonde locks, awaiting our knight who will somehow rescue us and whisk us away to a castle in the clouds. Is it any wonder that, as we grow older and find our way through the minefield that is relationships, we end up disappointed? My question: is the man that we will eventually choose to marry ever going to be good enough to meet the high expectations we set as little girls? Will he ever be the perfect Prince Charming of our childhood dreams?

It is unclear why these unrealistic hopes are put into the open minds of us as children. Is it because childhoods are meant to be filled with hopefulness and happiness, regardless of whether it’s all based on a lie or not – just like Santa? As we grow into women and become experienced with the real dating scene, it is true to say most of us experience disappointment. The romance we had always imagined and dreamed of rarely materializes and our white knights are nowhere to be seen. We are forced to experience heartbreak, infidelity and loss – something never explained to us in those hundreds of fairytales. How do we ever expect to live Happily Ever After when we’re searching for something fictional?

In the past fifty years, the dating scene has changed dramatically. What once was white is now black and vice versa. But with these changes in society and acceptable behaviours, our fairytales have remained the same and not evolved with time, as they should. And so, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if we rewrote the greatest stories of our childhoods. What if The End wasn’t at our first kiss but a couple of years on? What if we introduced the partner who cheated? The mother-in-law who thought we weren’t good enough for her son? An ex-love? Trust issues? A break-up? What then? It is my belief that we would go into our very first experience with love more open-minded with more realistic hopes of our future. We would know that it’s normal to have rough times as well as good times. And we would know not to expect – or even to secretly hope for – perfection, because nobody is perfect – not even our shining white knights.

What starts off as an innocent dream for six year-old girls results in discontentment and dissatisfaction. Many of us run at the first sign of trouble because ‘this isn’t how it’s supposed to be’. We somehow always believe that there is better out there, that we haven’t yet found our One – but that’s only because our vision of what should be is a work of our imagination and the memory of bedtime stories. Would it really be such a bad thing to face up the fact that love really isn’t flawless and simple? There isn’t always one bad witch who is easily defeated before we can run away and be happy; there are often more and they come regularly. Maybe we should be prepared for this as we grow so that bumps in the road are not unexpected and so that the men in our lives are valued and appreciated for what they are and not thrown away for what they aren’t.

The moral of the story: your foot doesn’t always pop with a first kiss and there is no such thing as a castle in the clouds. But learning your own special kiss – one that is just for the two of you – and building a home from scratch, together, and mending things after an argument, can bring much more happiness than even Snow White or Princess Aurora could ever have dreamed of. Now those are the things that fairytales should be made of.

I once believed that people were meant to fall in love, get married, have children and then live happily ever after. Now I realize that everyone’s boat floats for different reasons and I needed to find my own.

There was a time not too long ago when I believed that in order to be a whole person, and to feel like I had finally reached "womanhood" I would have to be in a serious relationship, or even better, engaged. I now realize what this belief was based on. It starts with a message that society sent me as soon as I was able to comprehend such things. That men and women were meant to fall in love, get married, and have children. I mean this is, after all, the "norm" of things.

To make matters worse, most of my close buddies from grade school have already gotten hitched and had children. Then of course there is the fact that I grew up watching Disney movies that always portrayed a damsel in distress that could not function as a normal person until she was "saved" by a gallant, handsome prince. Oh yeah, and they ALWAYS lived happily ever after.

So I spent most of my youth in and out of relationships, quickly realizing that Disney lied to me. Who were all of these villains? Where was my prince? I was always the one to end these relationships, mostly out of pure disappointment. I thought such things as, "Isn't he supposed to be charming? Isn't he supposed to have a great singing voice and take me for rides on his beautiful white stallion?" I settled for a sports bike and a nice car.

For a while I tried to convince myself that men would become more charming as they aged. They would mature and then be more in tune with their hearts, and finally understand what it is to sweep a lady off of her feet. I gave up when someone I was dating referred to his dog as his Valentine, and did nothing to show me otherwise. Well, I hope the two of them had a very romantic candlelight dinner and ended the night sharing their doggy-breath as they kissed.

I believe I have done my fair share of trying, and have resorted to enjoying my time alone. I look at the up side: I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and not have to explain it to anyone. I can sit in the shade with a book, drinking tea, and not have anyone interrupting me, or getting jealous that I would rather read than pluck their uni-brow. I do not need to worry about my feelings getting hurt by someone I decided to trust, who will only betray it one way or another.

I simply focus on the good parts of being single – like freedom – and the bad parts of relationships – like possessiveness. It really works, you know. I have realized that I do not need to strive for that dream of a prince. For that goal of living happily ever after with my one true love. I can be happy in the meantime just being me, and doing my own thing, and if someone should come along that catches my fancy and one thing should lead to another then so be it. But in the meantime, I have found other things to look forward to and enjoy. I have found pleasure in the single life. I will enjoy it while it lasts, however long that may be.

A Heavenly Angel was created and formed by the hands of God, a perfect creation. God said, “This is truly a one of a kind. I must now break the mold, because there shall not be another. No two things will ever be made alike. I am well pleased.” God was so pleased, that heaven also rejoiced with Him.

The Heavenly Angel was unique, beautiful, and she possessed the gift of touch. Her touch could melt mountains, and turn the hearts of men into pure gold. Her presence demanded the very best, because she, herself, gave her very best. She would meet or exceed all expectations.

One day, God heard a desperate cry from a man, who was lonely and very depressed. The man was fair looking and he had a lot of potential, he also had lots of love to give, but no one to share it with. So, God decided to send the Heavenly Angel to earth to lift this man's spirit.

God's intentions, was that the Heavenly Angel would comfort the man and return back to heaven, however, while upon the earth, something very unexpected took place. The man and the Heavenly Angel had fallen in love.

As God watched from heaven, He realized that the two of them made beautiful music together, they were deserving of one another. So, He sent word to the Heavenly Angel that if she so desired, she could stay with the man whom she loved. God also told her that love, joy, and happiness would be with them for eternity; and that He was well pleased with their union.

“For what God has joined together, let no man tear it apart.”

The Heavenly Angel and the man, are you and I!

Women from all walks of life are becoming more adamant about finding Mr. Right. Most of them agree that he has to be more than a guy that is disease free. Although meeting this criterion is essential in today's day and age, most women would also like a man who possess certain “qualities”. The trouble, it seems, is that some of you don't know which qualities qualify a man for keeper status. That's where I come in.

How many times have you been out with your girlfriends, having a good time, and looking completely divafied from head to toe? The DJ is worth the price of admission. The bartender has a heavy pour. And your buzz kicks in just as you notice someone checking you out. The two of you make eye contact, and you hope none of your girlfriends has seen him.

Then he approaches.

Your heart flutters. You try hard not to let him see how nervous you are, but you are sure he does anyway. He smiles and his teeth sparkle. You melt. He tells you his name and you likewise. Then he asks you to dance. What do you do?

I'm sure that in the past you wouldn't have wasted anytime with shoving aside your drink and poking your tongue at your friends while being led to the floor. But this isn't the past. You're looking for a good man now, remember? A man with “qualities”. And the first quality that you should be concerned with is:

Honesty

Instead of heading to the floor for a grind-and-sweat session, ask him to have a seat. No, you're not going to interrogate him; you're simply going to ask him a quick question or two that could save you a lot of heartache.

What questions you choose to ask are up to you. The most important thing here is how he responds. If he has a drink, watch what he does with it after you ask your question. If he places it between you and him, nine times out of ten he is using it as a subtle way of creating a barrier between you and the truth. Also, he may shift away from you. This is because liars have a hard time keeping their bodies directly in front of those they are lying to.

Now let's say he answers all of your questions without raising your suspicion. You two have that dance and it turns out he has great moves. You give him your number, and several days later, he calls and asks to take you out. What other quality should you be looking for next?

Conscientious

Pay attention. When he talks, does he appear to be thinking before he speaks? If so, then you are with a man who thinks enough of you not to be a potty-mouthed, pseudo-tough guy who thinks that using colorful language is the quickest way to get you in bed.

A man also has you at the forefront of his thoughts when, during dinner, he asks if you like what you ordered and if you would you like to try what's on his plate. Feel free to translate that any way you like.

Okay, now you know he's thinking of you. What next?

Sensitivity

Let me first say that a man is not being sensitive when you catch him in your panties. That guy is probably gay. What you want is a masculine man who is sensitive enough to acknowledge your feelings, right? Well, here's how to know if you have such a man.

A few weeks pass and the two of you are starting to get closer. Then one day you have a bad day at work. You need to vent and so you tell Mr. Right. If he's a jerk, he'll shrug and say, "That’s life". But if he's a MASCULINE MAN who is sensitive to your feelings, then he'll give you a hug and call you at work the next morning to make sure things are going smooth.

Or, let's say he has a bad day at work. A masculine man who is sensitive to your feelings will always greet you with a smile. He will do this because he is conscious of the fact that you may have had a bad day as well, and he doesn't want to add to it.

If the guy has made it this far, then he's probably good to go. He only needs one more for a perfect grade sheet.

Caring

You can't get a good read on this “quality” until you are in a situation that calls for him to really be there for you (picking you up from work instead of letting you catch a ride with a co-worker doesn't count). If you're as strong as I think you are, then there aren't many times when you need someone to handle your lightweight. However, life doesn't always throw you the same pitch. Every now and again, you get a curveball.

Sometimes you get sick.

I know, I know, you don't want to think about your last cold. The sore throat. The dull ache in your forehead and the back of your neck. Your body feeling like it's on fire one minute then freezing the next. Ugh! But times like this are perfect for finding out who really cares about you.

If the guy in your life does, then he will not have a problem fluffing your pillows just the way you like it. Neither will he have a problem with cooking your soup or crumbling your crackers into itty-bitty pieces that are more suitable for swallowing. And, just in case you can keep your eyes open for more than five minutes, he will make sure the remote is always within arms reach.

And there you have it. This is a solid foundation to build any relationship on. Sure, there are other “qualities” to look for, but I am sure if the guy you are with has those aforementioned, then everything else will fall in place. Whether or not you get to see the whole package depends on if you possess the “quality” men like to see in a woman...

Patience.

Ten unanswered phone calls, numerous text messages and no reply, but you're still not giving up. There's something about the bad boy that makes you keep chasing him, no matter how much he messes you around.

We've all been there, or at least met a guy like him. He's the guy who can't look after himself properly, let alone treat a girlfriend well. Yet he is rarely single or seen without a girl hanging off his arm.

He may be a bit of a player, even cheating on his girlfriends, but the bad boy has endless appeal.

You see, how good would it feel to be the one who finally tames him? The one who he's not going to stray from?

The only problem is, this guy is not going to be easy to pin down for long.

I'm all for the idea of playing hard to get to keep us on our toes and remain a little mysterious. However there's a big difference between treating us mean to keep us keen, and being just plain mean!

It can get pretty annoying when you spend lots of time, effort and phone credit pursuing the bad boy only to get nothing back in return but a broken heart.

So it's time to delete his number and look for Mr. Nice Guy. You know, the one who replies to your texts within 30 seconds of you sending it.

Thought not. He just doesn't have the same allure does he?

Surely one more text can't hurt.

After dating bad boys, sports enthusiasts, Wall Street types and every kind of guy in between, I found a rare group of men perfect for today’s American women – the cowboy.

The cowboy retains some of the old traditions and manners that are hard to find anymore. A cowboy will open a door for you, speak only respectably to you, and court you the old fashion way. If you are tired of the modern guy, try a cowboy.

1. The southern drawl is absolutely adorable.
2. He'll respond to almost anything you say with, “Yes, Ma'am.”
3. His tight jeans make his rear always on display.
4. Typically, cowboys are shy and like to take it slow.
5. Will work from sun up to sun down without a single compliant.
6. Works most the time with his shirt off.
7. Will take you on a romantic horseback ride.
8. Knows how to change a tire.
9. Doesn't mind when your hair and makeup are not done.
10. Knows how to use his hands.
11. Knows how to grill a mean t-bone steak.
12. Takes everything, “like a man.”
13. He respects his elders.
14. He looks great on a tractor.
15. He wants to go for a roll in the hay, literally.

So saddle up and head on out to the nearest rodeo and rope yourself a cowboy!

You just start dating a guy. He likes you, you like him. You guys want to spend every second together. When you are not with him you are talking to him on the phone. You have deep feelings for him. The feelings keep developing. They keep growing. You begin to think this could be it. You begin to think I really think this is it for me….. You love being together. You can't stand being without each other. You start to feel like you have never felt before, and you do things for him you have never done before. He tells you he doesn’t want to be with you and only you. He tells you he adores you. He tells you u guys were meant for each other. You care for him. You are falling for him. You take things slow. You don't want to make any mistakes. You go slower with him than you have ever done before. You don't rush to introduce him to your friends, let alone anyone else. You want it to be right. You are feeling this and you feel this could mean something. He communicates with you. He thanks God you are in his life. You guys have fun together. You laugh together.

He talks about being and becoming serious with you. He talks about his desire to love you one day. He talks about he can't imagine not being with you. You think he's falling in love with you. But you can't be 100% sure. You guys have not said that sacred 4 letter word that starts with an "L". But you feel it deep, deep in you. Deeper than you have in a long time.

You ask him "are we moving too fast"? He replies "We are just following our hearts." You start to trust him. Something you have not done since your first heart break. How long ago was that? You wonder. Trust is something you vowed you would never do again. But slowly your heart comes out of its steel enclosure. You feel like you can trust him. You feel as if everything you went though was for a reason. And the reason was to meet him. Days turns into weeks. And he tells you about the connection you guys have in each others hearts.

Weeks turns into months and you slowly start to wean the other guys in your life out. And than it happens. No not the "L" word. But what you have been most afraid of. What deep in your heart you have been afraid to confront. What you always suspected would happen one day sooner or later. HE STOPS CALLING. You panic. But you try to stay calm. He did this before when you first started talking, but u tried to forget it. You knew u should have not forgotten. But u tried to ignore it. He disappears for a week with no phone call. No answer to yours no nothing. Finally you hear from him. You want to rage you want to scream you want to cry. But you can't help you heart from feeling a tad bit happy.

As you begin to ask him what happened he stops you. He says "I need space". You cringe at these words. This is the very reason you begin to think why your heart was in that steel enclosure. The reason you don't put your emotions your feelings, your heart into it. Because one day it always turns in to this day. But you are already too far out you are at the point of no return, you can't come back. You can't believe, although a piece of you does believe it. Space. How many time have you heard this before? Space? Weren't you giving him enough? Space. Hmmm you laugh because it's so ridiculous. You laugh because again you knew this day would come. Why did you not listen to that little voice inside your head telling you to "watch out and be careful". You laugh only because tears won't come.

You know its not you, but you can’t help but look at that man in the mirror. You can't help but pick yourself apart. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? And again and again you can't come up with the answer. Slowly as you try to focus on other things and think of other people you put you heart back into that steel case.

Tears finally come and they make you feel a little better, but the pain is piercing through your soul. The pain never hurts as bad as the first time. But all the same you can't help but feel hopeless, foolish. Your great chance to be with your soul mate has again somehow slipped and failed.

But eventually you know you will pick yourself up. Eventually you know you will try again. And eventually you know you will find the keys to you heart, but also in the back of your mind you think…. Will it happen again?

From Stand In These Shoes (I’m sure u have before) by Serena Williams

A man can be part of the design of your life, not necessarily the redesign of your life.

- Glen Close

Patience is a virtue. Without it, it makes life that much more difficult. Not to mention a lot of times winding up dating a walking, talking real meat loaf! Many of us get in such a dating rut that we often settle for the person we are not compatible with. (Personality and character that is.) Just because you are having a little dry spell doesn't mean you have to settle for that man you are not compatible, or truly content with. Does it?

The only time a dry spell is good for you (yes, I said good for you) is when you can't stop judging a man by his looks. A dry spell can push you into dates with many men who wouldn't fit your mold for that ideal mate. You're attracted to him only after getting to know him. You have found in him more than what meets the eye. So yes, a dry spell can be good for you.

Sometimes it's a waiting game. You have to wait for that right one to come along, and avoid the ones who won't make you feel whole as a lover and a friend. The right man should be able to make you feet good and make you laugh. That should be just part of what you want in him.

Good things come to those who wait!

Write that out in big bold letters and tape it on your bathroom mirror, because good things do come to those who wait! What do you really have if you don't have the patience? Having a wonderful, loving, sex-filled relationship with someone is something we all want in a mate. That's not the only thing to life, but it comes pretty damn close.

Sometimes it's best to just not think about men. Yeah...RIGHT! Concentrate on your life. What do you like to do for a hobby?

I mean, besides looking for men!

Do what you most enjoy out of life. If it's men, do the second most enjoyable thing in your life. Don't think about having a man right now, because he will come. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. At times you just can't stop thinking about men. Haven't you ever noticed that? The time flies by when you stop thinking about them and do other things in your life. You just might suddenly find yourself in a relationship that you have been looking for all this time. When you have your mind on other things and letting the time go by, before you know it you just might find yourself in a good, stable, satisfying relationship with that man you have been looking for before. In most cases it works, and it works because you aren't thinking about it anymore, and therefore not trying anymore. Eventually he will come along.

This can also make you appear more appealing to the right men out there. They notice that on some women. You will be giving a signal of: I don't need a man to make me a whole woman. I can't explain it, but it does happen. At the same time though you want to be very friendly and pleasant to the men out there. Make yourself approachable and attractive, but in a nonchalant way. Being aloof is not an attractive trait to have. Men will tell you so.

That's the way life is for many people. There are those who have it all: A great job, easy breaks in life, money and success. While the rest have to work and wait for it. But is there anything wrong with working and waiting for what you really want? You have to be patient. It's hard to spend life without loving someone and being loved, but being patient can be the key to opening new doors for you. Concentrate on other things that will take up all of your idle time. The more you sit around, the more you think about men. Isn't it true? The more you keep your mind busy on other things, the less you are going to think about him. Then the faster he will come to you!

Not thinking about men all the time is also another benefit for you. It can refresh yourself when it's time to start looking again. That is, if you want to look again. It shows on you when you are refreshed. It's like your batteries are recharged. Your positive attitude shines through more. You're ready to try it again, but this time with more gusto and feeling. It will show on your face. You will feel it. So take that needed break

Now with all this said, you may be a little confused. First I say you should date men who don't fit your mold for the ideal mate, and then I turn around and say you shouldn't date the ones who aren't your type. I think I better explain myself before you call me a typical male. I think I can make myself clearer by telling you a little story.

I was once friends with a woman who had serious men problems. Her favorite saying is probably similar to yours: "He's either gay, a jerk, or is already taken." Well the day came when she met a man who she later began dating. She introduced him to me, and right then and there I knew he wasn't right for her. There was just something about him that set off a silent alarm for my friend. Maybe she knew it too, I don't know, but about a month later it turned out I was right. He landed up being your classic psycho. So of course my friend and I couldn't help but to pin that nickname on him. During their time together he would ALWAYS call her and, a little at a time, he would start to weird out. He was always asking where she's been, and he started getting that look in his eyes that can only be found at your local sanitarium. She naturally called it off, but he kept on calling, even at her job. Sound familiar? It took over a month before he got it out of his system. And longer for her to get him out of hers!

I knew he wasn't right just by the way he looked, and from his persona. A lot of times you can't tell what a person is like just by that, but with this guy you could. I think my friend could see it also, but she went out with him anyway because she was in one long dry spell. There are times when you shouldn't date some men because there are extreme differences. And I don't mean his height and he isn't as handsome as you would like him to be.

For now though, go with your intuition. Sometimes you know he isn't the one just by talking with him. He may not have that right personality or character, or there is just something about him that just isn't right. Don't go out with a certain man just because he is giving you his attention, or he is the only one around at the time when you know deep down it won't work. And yes, I know, sometimes you do need more time to know for sure, so make it a coffee date, just in case he isn't. Be sure to look for inner beauty, and see if his personality and / or character at least partially connect with yours.

Having a dry spell could be a blessing in disguise.

A dry spell...good for you? Now that sounds pretty stupid, I'll admit. But think about it, don't some of us tend to go out with someone who doesn't interest us, just because we are in a dry spell and will go out on this date because...IT'S A DATE?! Are you thinking? And for some of you, I'll bet dollars to doughnuts (don't ask me what that means) that sometime during your date he became more interesting and maybe more attractive to you. A dry spell can kick you in the butt in getting you to go out with men who you may think aren't your type. During this reluctant date he may not be so bad after all. Ahhh, the irony of it all.

Do you know someone or have a friend who fell in love with a man who didn't fit her mold for that ideal mate? Did she go out with him just because she was in a dry spell and later found him to be more attractive than from when she first saw him? We judge people by just the outer surface. We take one look at another and immediately judge whether or not they are worth a date, or getting to know, especially if this takes place at a bar or a club. Some things we don't want or avoid are many times wrapped in unattractive wrapping.

There was this guy who loved two gals at the same time but he didn't know which one he loved more. Someone taught him.

Ask yourself this question and answer it honestly:

"When you are happy, which gal would you want to share your happiness with?" The one you think of is someone you love.

Ask yourself another question and answer it honestly:

"When you are sad, which gal you want to share your burden with?" The one you think of is also someone you love.

If you think of the same gal when you are happy & sad, that's the most perfect. But if you don't think of the same gal, I would advise you to choose the one you are willing to share your sadness with.

In life, there are more sorrows than happiness. There are too many people that you meet that you can share your happiness with, not necessary your lover.

If you live your life happily, you can also enjoy it alone.

In sadness, however, there are not many people willing to share your burden with you. If you are willing to tell someone your happiness, I am sure that person has got to be someone close & an understanding person to you.

But it shouldn't stop there. If that person only thinks of you when she is happy, but looks for someone else when she is sad, this lover is too unstable; she doesn't treat you as someone she can spend the rest of her life with.

Of course, I will be very happy if I am the first person to share her happiness. But, if she is sad, I will be too willing to stay by her side & ease her pain. Only then, will I believe that I hold a very important position in her heart.

It’s a little early for a Christmas list, so I thought I’d put in an order to the Easter Bunny. We often compare men to chocolate so I thought I’d ask the Easter Bunny to bring me a man. Obviously this can be no ordinary request; this special Easter Man must meet a few requirements.

1. Must be emotionally available.

When I say available I do not mean he must pretend to listen to me talk about what is bothering me whilst staring steadfastly at the football on the TV over my shoulder.

2. Must be prepared to work for a living.

I’m not a stay at home girlfriend, so if I can get out of bed every morning and go to work and earn a wage, then so can a man.

3. Must not have a pathological fear of commitment.

I’m not the type of girl to be looking at wedding rings after a couple of dates, but when you go to the movies and the guy you are with cringes because someone on screen says the “L” word, you have to know he is a commitment-phobe.

4. Must be familiar with the concept of ‘truth’.

We have all told the occasional white lie from time to time “Yes Mom, my homework is done” or “These shoes were only £20 on sale…” But when a guy starts to tell so many lies that even he starts to believe them, there’s something very wrong.

5. Must be capable of intelligent conversation.

A conversation that doesn’t revolve around football, beer or food.

6. Must be capable of giving compliments.

If I have made the effort to look good, I would like the guy to recognize it. Not give me a cursory glance and nod before turning back to the football.

7. Must be familiar with a bar of soap.

Very little explanation needed. Personal hygiene is essential.

8. Must have the face and body of Channing Tatum (or Gerard Butler).

OK, this seems kinda unreasonable but again, it’s a wish list right? Hahaha.

So, I think my chances of finding this guy are about as slim as actually meeting the Easter Bunny … but I can live in hope right?

When I listen to women talk about their dating and relationship escapades, I wonder if we’ve been reading too many fairy tales and watching too many rom-com’s. They’re talking about someone that should be genetically modified and cloned for the rest of us because they are in search of the impossible - the perfect man. This means that they bin off men because they are too short, too many nose hairs, works in the wrong field, doesn’t earn the right money, made a mistake on the date, didn’t try to sleep with her on the first date, did try to sleep with her on the first date, farted, was too nice, too agreeable, did call, did buy her flowers and the list is endless.

There is no such thing as the perfect man and the sooner we pull ourselves away from this notion of perfection is the sooner that we can open ourselves up to being with a guy that ticks the right boxes mentally. If you think a guy is going to come blazing in on his white horse, rescue you from your twenties/thirties/forties and take you into marital blissdom, you’ll be sorely disappointed.

Many of us don’t see our blinkered attitude to The One as seeking perfection but make a list of all of the guys that you’ve dated over the last year or so and write down the reasons for not continuing to date them and it’s likely that you’ll come up with some entertaining reasons. The odd thing is that we’ll stay with men that mess us around like Mr. Unavailable’s but we’ll run a mile from men who are genuinely interested in us but are human, like us, and prone to the odd mistake.

We aren’t perfect and the idea that there is this person out there that perfectly fits us in every way means that we’ll be forever disappointed. What happens when he does something that doesn’t fit with our projected image?

I say ditch the rigid shopping list and fly by the seat of your pants and use judgment skills to assimilate whether there are red flags that you should be running a mile from. Focus on how you feel around someone and ditch the superficial stuff and look for a person with character that shares your values. We want people to love us for who we are and we should act in the same way because surprise, surprise, we aren’t perfect either.

Need I say more? *drool*

So, do I believe in soul mates? Yes. Absolutely.

Here’s how I define soulmate: That one person who completes you, body and soul. The one who fills your thoughts from the moment you awaken to the moment you drift into the bliss of unconsciousness. The one who, even in the bliss of unconsciousness, fills your mind to the brink with thoughts of love, understanding, strength, and desire. Your other half; the ebb to your flow. The moon that pulls your tide back to shore when you begin to slip away and allows you to drift back to sea when the shore becomes too much to bear. The wind that fills your sails when you find yourself adrift upon rough waters with no way to safety. The understanding that not only forgives and understands your brokenness, but feels grief at the fact that they were not present to prevent such trials and tribulations. The love that knows no limits, no boundaries, no expectations, and no forfeit.

Do I think there is more than one soulmate? Perhaps. I believe that every person we love leaves an imprint on our heart. I have no doubt that we are designed to love and love again. It’s a process. Every time we give the gift of our love and ourselves to another person, they become a link in the chain of life and love. They enable us to be better lovers, more compassionate friends, more understanding partners, and more fulfilling other halves. Each of these people is, in a small way, our soul mate. However, I believe that everyone is intended for one other person. Who that person is, while not predetermined, is very limited in possibility. We are designed to be compatible with a very select number of people. These people, maybe a dozen in number, are spread all over the map, and finding that ONE is what drives us to love over and over again. But knowing that there IS that One, that’s what makes the loving worth while.

Say what??

Ok Mr. Hot Stuff, allow me to tell you something. The reason that most of us are single is not that we are picky, it’s because we are highly selective. Don’t knock our lists because there isn’t anything superficial on there. The thing about it is, I feel that I meet every single aspect on the list, and so much more. So why should I settle for…say a guy that can’t even type a coherent thought together? Or someone that has to swear 7 times in a 10 word sentence? Or a person that is incapable of taking care of themselves? Or someone who smokes has violent tendencies or is involved in illegal business ventures?

The Master list has 44 points, things that I have realized that I cannot compromise on, character traits that are very very important to me. Nothing on the list is unattainable, most of the components are things that most decent men should have.

50-70% is actually a low grade for me. I feel that to actually consider someone worth marrying, they should make about 90% on the real list. I have met several men who make a cut on the list…it’s not that it’s an impossibility. There are no superficial elements like height/weight/race on the list because I feel that those are not as essential as a person’s character, intelligence and morality.